Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Dear Mr. Pest Control Dude

Dear Mr. Pest Control Twerp Dude,

I can appreciate that it is not incredibly fulfilling to profile insects and plot their demise for a living. 
Really, that must be a downer.  Unless, of course, you are sadist and enjoy that sort of thing.  Did you light ants on fire with a magnifying glass when you were a little boy?  Just asking...

I'll just assume that your sarcastic know-it-all attitude is a manifestation of your apparent dissatisfaction.  I'm sorry about that.

However.  It is not necessary to tell me that the bug spray your company has been using around my kids for their entire lives is a toxic substance that can mortally injure humans and small dogs.  Sassy didn't appreciate that either.

And besides, based on my prior research and previous interaction with every other member of your company that I've ever had the pleasure of meeting -- that's just not true.  The interior bug spray is non-toxic.  And a follow-up call to your manager confirmed that.  Why do you insist that my children have been subjected to harmful chemicals that will certainly result in weird and heretofore unknown defects?  That doesn't even make sense.  Have you seen Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles too many times??

Further, if you can't treat the inside of our house, nor do anything to discourage the proliferation of lizards, caterpillars, garden snakes, or mosquitoes outside, then remind me -- why did we hire you??  Because I'd rather not pay you just to ring my doorbell and tell me what you CAN'T do.

Yes, we all appreciate the irony that you have the social skills of a stinging caterpillar.  But, I'd appreciate it even more if you would just protect our house from bugs without putting my children at risk. 

Have a nice day.


  1. heeheehee

    Next time, tell him what you REALLY think, honey . .

  2. Yeah I agree with you Jan,before the pest controller start their work on our home we tell them on what we really want.